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Dear Person Standing Right In Front Of Door,
Hello, I am a person leaving the building. A building, if you’re not aware, is a thing that holds other things. Sometimes, things go into the building. Other times, like right now, things come out of it.
Perhaps you’re confused by the technology. There are several kinds of ingress/egress points called “doors” through which people can enter and exit: doors that open out, doors that open in, and revolving doors that make you feel like a freeloader when the person behind you pushes harder than you do.
Here’s a pro tip: People can exit buildings regardless of door type, so if you’re standing directly in front of these doors, you will eventually encounter other humans.
Another thing to consider: Since people will also enter the building through these doors (This is a lot to remember, I know, but bear with me), it is conceivable, even likely, that someone will appear from behind you. This can be unnerving.
This phenomenon is not limited to buildings. Here is a non-exhaustive list of other things that things come out of:
- teepees
- football stadiums (American football and soccer)
- elevators
- elevator shafts
- Volkswagen Beetles
- birthday cakes (large)
- fuselages (helicopter and airplane)
- Cadbury Eggs
- interstellar vortices
Sometimes, it’s hard to imagine yourself outside your immediate sphere of experience. You are not currently inside a building. You are outside a building. It can be easy to forget there is an inside. Smoking your American Spirits, poised to take advantage of the Scotch & Soda sample sale next door, you stand next to this 44-story behemoth and think to yourself, “What a great leaning post this is!”
You bask in the awe-inspiring plentitude of outside. There is so much of it, an artesian well of space, that you can no longer envision a world without it. You’re a lotus-eater, having forgotten the beauty and luxuries of inside, like box wine and HD. In this world, outside permeates everything so that there no longer is an inside — or an outside, for that matter. There is only side. Not even that…
