Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Orderly Protests

Proper etiquette for resisting tyranny

Pablo Andreu
2 min readJun 7, 2024
Licensed via Adobe Stock Photo

Chapter 1: The Protester

PROTESTS MUSTN’T BE A DISRUPTION to the pleasant goings on of any peaceful society. Protesters must refrain from becoming a nuisance lest the discomfort they manufacture serve as a cause for reflection and compunction. The protester mustn’t obstruct public buildings, public parks, public roads (anything public, really), dog parks, bike lanes, brunch spots, pickleball courts, farmers markets, so and so forth. It is preferable that protesters maintain a semblance of invisibility.

GOOD TEMPER MUST BE CULTIVATED by every protester even in the face of draconian discipline meted out by the authorities. Imagine the wonder and joy experienced by the owner of the combat boot to the protester’s back or truncheon to the protester’s head when said protester meets their wrath with a smile and genial countenance. A protester must abide all vituperation and physical harm with decorum and aplomb. It is only through this conciliatory good nature that crimes against humanity may be redressed.

PUNCTUALITY IS NEXT TO GODLINESS, especially if a protest location has been approved by the authorities. Timely attendance of an official demonstration affords the authorities the opportunity to corral and detain protesters at…